Declining Opportunities is Okay

Thanksgiving feast

Well, hi, December. Where did you come from?

November blurred by in an unusual way this year. Every day felt like I was riding a roller coaster and couldn’t figure out how to get off. There were highs and there were definite lows. And you might think that’s just how life always is. You’d be right, but this was different.

This was a month punctuated by wonderful weekends with friends, but overcast with stress and worry and dropping every normal priority. Writing went out the window (BYE NaNoWriMo, #fail), along with reading and all momentum with DBK Photography. Because while I had a beautiful birthday weekend, a beautiful last weekend of true warmth shooting mini sessions, a beautiful weekend in Denver, and, at last, a perfect Thanksgiving weekend, much of the month my thoughts were occupied by The Big News.

The Big News. The news that Ryan received a job offer in Iowa, to start quite nearly immediately. As in right after Thanksgiving. As in before Christmas. As in, life as I knew it was potentially about to completely change, and right around the holidays, at that. And I just didn’t know what to do with that.

We started planning. Ryan would take the job. It seemed like a good opportunity. I wanted to be supportive. We scoured Craigslist for apartments. We Googled the weather. We started gathering things we’d need. I bought plane tickets to fly him home for Christmas and fly me back and forth. I started to wonder how long we could live in two separate cities while he determined how he liked the job and I got ready to give notice to my employer. I didn’t want to leave my job, and for that reason I hoped we could maybe last a few months. Then I remembered the familiar ache of long distance and felt like cowering under the covers and forgetting everything altogether.

In the end, the day before Thanksgiving, we decided to decline the opportunity and stay. And I couldn’t explain to you the type of relief that went through me. I hadn’t realized until that moment how much I did not want to leave my home, my job, here. I had worried that we would feel a missed opportunity if we didn’t go. I had thought maybe this was a chance for adventure, for Ryan’s career to take off, for me to set real time aside for my writing and photography. But in that moment, I realized how great we have it here. I realized I have all I need right here.

And let me tell you, that realization was a sweet one for Thanksgiving. I made a list of all I had to be thankful for regarding Ryan, family, friends, jobs, and this place we live in, and it seemed to have no end. The long weekend spent here at home was that much sweeter when I thought about the idea that we could have been spending the time packing up the car and driving the 17 hours to Iowa. What else made it sweeter was hearing our friends and my parents tell us how glad they are we’re staying–just after they’d been voicing their wholehearted support for our decision, something I couldn’t have lived without when thinking of moving. What good people I have in my life.

That’s all. That’s the update. I can breathe freely again. And plan for another cozy holiday here in our little apartment, the two of us, right near family, just like I’d been hoping for before.

Any big news in your life lately? Any happy holiday plans?

love always, Delia

  • jennifer prod

    oh delia, i could feel your anxiety over the move through your writing. but the good news? deciding to stay – even after thinking you would go – probably placed a new glow on the things that are important to you and why you’re where you are.

    • Delia

      You are so right, Jen! There is a new glow that I hope won’t fade with time!